Well you are about to read a story….i guess you all might have a similar one to tell as well!
Friends don’t pick and choose when to answer texts. They are there for each other, any time of day, not only at night, not only when one person is feeling lonely and can’t find anyone else to fill their emptiness.
Friends don’t go missing for weeks and then suddenly appear again without an explanation, let alone an apology. They are consistent. Constant. They never leave the other person hanging. They don’t disappear without a single word.
Friends don’t make each other guess what is on their mind. Friends talk about their deepest secrets. They are open and honest with one another. They admit of what is running through their mind that exact moment and reveal those little things they keep hidden from the rest of the world.
I had a friend like that. He understood me and I understood him. We were for each other all the above. Though, It took me a long time to realize that all this time that apart from being friends, there was an attraction between us. I kept catching myself, or him, to flirt every now and then, but I was absolute that this would never happen. Then it struck me that maybe, we are not friends. Maybe we never were.
Maybe that’s why we don’t talk anymore. Because after all this flirt faded away and now that there’s a realization that we would never get together, there’s no point in talking. There’s nothing for me or him to gain from all this. No reason to pick up the phone or send a single text just to say hi.
It’s funny how I spent so much time thinking about him, even though I barely knew him at all. I guess I only knew layers of his personality. The parts he was willing to show me. And I did the same. I only revealed what I wanted him to know, I guess that way I would never regret something I did or said to him.
I doubt he would be able to list all my favorite songs, or animals, or memories that I shared with him. All of our time together was spent flirting. Bantering back and forth. Exchanging compliments. We never spoke about anything real, i guess. It was a nice dream, we both did not want to wake up from. I never learned about his childhood or what his parents did for a living. He never told me what his tattoos meant or where he spent his holidays.
Back then, I assumed he was a quiet guy, closed to himself. I assumed he needed more time to get comfortable around me and then he would eventually start opening up. I assumed it would only be a matter of time until the dynamic between us shifted.
I mean, we texted. We flirted. We spent plenty of time in the same room together, which is why I assumed we were friends. I assumed he cared about me in the same way I cared about him.
I didn’t see him as someone I wanted to sleep with just once and then sneak away from bed in the morning, or someone I wanted to date without a friendship built inside. I saw him as someone I could trust. I saw him as one of the few people I actually enjoyed spending time with.
Obviously he felt differently. He saw me as a stranger that he could flirt with easy when he were bored. Someone he wouldn’t let himself get too close to. Someone he considered a temporary partnership, but not friendship. A partnership, I guess, can break easier.
When we stopped talking, he lost someone that he pictured himself hooking up with one day in the future. I was the only one who lost a friend. I guess that’s why getting over him has been so much harder for me than it was for him. Because him were more to me than just some guy I flirted with. He was a friend. And friends don’t do that.
Yours Truly,
The BizandLove Lady!